There are countless books about ways to “find yourself.” People express their desire to do so in songs, conversations, journals, and other forums. With less than twenty days short of 24 years old, I can say confidently that I’m discovering who I really am in this very moment. I’m doing what I want and getting what I want. I’m waking up and believing in myself. It doesn’t happen everyday, but when I walk with poise and speak with conviction, the difference is significant.
There’s a paradox to the latitude that I posses. In many ways I still have my insecurities. I still wonder if an outfit doesn’t look good on me or if my hair looks okay. I can’t promise that one day I’ll roll over on the other side of my bed and leave those doubts in my past, but I do find reassurance in myself with every sunrise. It feels like a contradiction; I’m comfortable with my insecurities and I can find freedom in expressing that.
I’ve been able to assume this discovery by simply doing what I’ve always wanted to or even trying something new, like biking. This past weekend I rode my bike to the Cape Verdean festival by way of Blackstone Boulevard. I pedaled on the bike lane enjoying whatever breeze I was able to meet in 93 degree weather, which as you can imagine, wasn’t much. As I enjoyed my own presence a man on a scooter joined me on my side. Even with a few missing teeth he made sure to smile as he greeted me. He yelled out with a smirk, “you look proud!” I was puzzled at the randomness and he exclaimed it again. I guess he noticed the grace I owned with my head lifted up high and slight grin. Little did he know, sure it was pride, but it was also my own personal expression of delight when I caught a breeze. The motor on his scooter allowed him to make his way ahead of me and it hit me, I am proud!
Besides riding my dope spokes, I’ve tried to challenge myself to all types of new endeavors. My newest one being learning how to play the guitar, which isn’t easy at all. It’s a beautiful string instrument but it’s symmetry undermines its complexity. I’m also taking a French class. It’s my goal to make it to Paris soon and what better way to start that journey with a lesson on the Francophone language and culture. And then there’s my graduate studies search, which is on-going, but definitely a critical component to my personal discovery.
Life is about progress. First, be what you want, second, get what you want, then own your discovery. It sounds simple, that’s because it really is. We make it complicated when we confuse what we want to be for the sake of others. That’s not what your being is calling you to be. When we rebuke the clutter in our minds that cling to things like egoism we’ll stop combating self and nurture our true selves minus all the bluff.